Homeostasis by Jamie Duckert

Recently, at 3:30 am I was in a hospital bed asking myself “How did I get here?”.  My new favorite word cluster (finish as you’d like) is what I had become, both physically and mentally.

I knew something was amiss in March when my gut wasn’t communicating with my brain. I said the word “disconnect” to a PA one morning and she suggested I not call it that. It was relieving to have a provider who understood my language and background. We changed it to ripple. I had lost my appetite and too much weight, and was in a ton of pain from a foot and ankle injury. That, and my life has a tendency to be stressful. After a second extensive foot and ankle surgery and a GI work up, diarrhea and dehydration kicked in. My body’s connections had ripples in all trajectories. I felt like I was sinking. This experience has me thinking about homeostasis…

George Leonard wrote “The resistance to change is called homeostasis. It characterizes all self-regulating systems, from a bacterium to a frog, to a human individual to a family, an organization to an entire culture- and it applies to psychological states and behavior as well as to physical states.”

Synonyms of homeostasis include balance, equanimity, evenness and stability. I know I say the word “balance” more than once during my yoga classes.

I find Leonard’s definition thought provoking because “homeostasis” and “resistance” are in the same definition. Why resist the need to change something for better equilibrium? The idea that ripples can begin as intangible thoughts and expand beyond Mother Earth, each affecting the next, also resonates with me.

 How did my homeostasis become this unstable and now what?

I’m using the 4th niyama, svadhyaya (self-study) to help me navigate my way through this cluster and… (because change is hard!!!) I want to resist. For me, it’s easier to sense homeostasis physically. Pain is a great indicator. I practice vrksasana or tree pose to physically feel balance. I wobble more in a cast, so I modify. Mentally, it’s tricky, but I’m visualizing an old fashion scale--placing my stress on one side and contentment (or some sense of it) on the other side. I try to discern how and where to put things and… (change is still hard!) For me, shamata (peaceful abiding) and meditation are crucial for svadhayaya.  Noticing and time are necessary elements too.

Man, I would love to wake up symmetrical, look out the window and know all is well with the world. But right now, good nutrition, patience, the support of others and time are my work. Plus, I love looking out windows.

Yoga continues to be my life raft and brings me back to my center. Knowing it is a breath away is lovely.